Turning Japanese

Arrived in Japan about ten days ago and i have been trying to contain my excitement of finally being here. For as far back as i can remember, i have always been fond of the place, and to actually be here in the flesh, all expense paid at that, makes it even more amazing. I have to thank my sponsor, The Sumitomo Foundation, for this trip of a lifetime.

Of course this is all in relation to my dissertation that is a comparative study of east and west philosophy. I have immersed mysels in Kamakura, Japan. The one place that i have forever been reading about. I explored every inch hoping to take in as much as i can and try to remember every detail. The place is just beautiful. No amount of reading can ever suffice to the actual experience i have had in the last couple of days.

I am eternally thankful for grace.

Be Still

Two words have been impressed on me lately, be still. The last three weeks, i have learned to be still because i've been sick on and off. I had to stop my class preparations and cut back on my hangin out--which actually translates to long hours at starbucks reading or making notes for lecture or staying at a friend's house on sunday evenings watching movies or simply talking till almost midnight.

I literally had to be still and just lie in bed for three days. I was vomiting, had fever, migraine, upset stomach, body pains, yet after the aches subsided i somehow reflected on the whole scenario and i came up with the fact that, i actually learned to be still.

At thirty-one, i have been very busy. My classes and my research have consumed much of my time and i am left with nothing else. I must admit i was groping, too consumed by my work and was in all honesty, lost. I barely even had time to pray. But somehow in those three days that i was in bed sick, i woke up in the middle of the night feeling very strangely nauseated i had to hold fast to my prayers that i would get through the night.

Perhaps God has ordained that time for me to be still. If it takes a sickness to draw me closer then perhaps that is what ought to be done. If it takes nausea to finally find the time, then im thankful for the pain and the discomfort. Being still brought me close, it healed me, and made me find my way back home.

Happy New Year


Its been a while since i last made an entry. I had to delete a few. Its quiet times for majebeing. I am standing on the clearing of my thrownness...

happy new year...

Should There Be Butterflies?

I was sending a reply email to a good friend who simply asked me about where my personal life is going. She asked if there are any butterfly sparks she should know and instead of giving her a clear categorical answer, i ended up giving her a blog piece.

...I dont have much faith in sparks and chemistry anymore. I guess im just passed that. Somehow, somewhere in the middle of all the fantasies lodged in my reality--or better yet, realities lodged in my fantasy, i have realized that blissful romance cannot exist! If it does, it wont last and sooner or later one is always bound to get hurt. No im not closing my doors, nor am i being sarcastic or bitter. Im being truthful and honest. I mean, if we are to find someone who can be with us as our lifetime partners, watching sunsets, making our coffee more meaningful, or even just someone to make us coffee...then the sparks flying cannot sustain all that, it simply will not hold, it wont last....but the companionship, the 'thereness' is simply what counts... :)

Now im not sure if this is really what being 31 sounds like....but if it is, im not disagreeing. I think its about time i cut back on the dreams and start living in the real world.

Birthday Gift

I heard that sometimes the most beautiful thing to do is to give. And only when its really worth so much does the giving become more meaningful. I have been cradling this love and many times i found myself clasping it close, too scared to set it free, too tired to let it be ...

This time im ready to give it so it may grow. And this birthday i have given the greatest gift i could ever give in this life. And i guess what i heard is true. If its really special, if its sincere, and if its given from the heart, then, and only then, can one say she has truly loved.

...only a fool would commit what he knows to language; much less would he put what he has learned into a form which is unrevisable and which can fall into the wrong hands, namely the form of a written text ... -Heidegger

A Letter

This was an email i received in 2001 from a very good friend who is now based in Canberra. Its one of those friendships that can cut across time and you're just proud to have. We dont often communicate but thats the best part because whenever he is in town we always pick up right where we left off. Hmmm, the last time we met was June '06.

There's always room for a good walk, quiet moments when our thoughts are doing the talking, a piece of a song, his guitar strings, cuesticks and tofu, big laughs till we couldnt breathe, and just a remebrance that never fails to encourage the spirit and warm the heart.

I look back and I am blessed to have found a true friend. He saw me at my worse, knows my darkest secret, and held my heart when it was falling. I think he was the one who made me try sodoku knowing how bad i was (and still am) with numbers. Taught me to play billiards when for years i sucked at it. Inspired me to go back to my grad studies when i completely abandoned it. Helped me find myself when i was just about ready to lose it. He taught me honesty.

And if i never had the chance to say this before, for the record i want to say Thanks to God. Not to the guy because he might just forget, or might think of it as one of our dialectics. But most importantly a meaningful thank you to God, for bringing him into my life that i may never forget the identity and value of a real friend.


Hi Majorie,

As promised, a reply. How are things? I trust Crossover is running efficiently as usual. Still, I'm wondering how you are and how you're feeling about life in general. Do let me know when you have the time.Tell me about the revitalising manila trip.

The 'concept' with me is that yes I have decided to accept USC's offer for next semester. I will teach the graduate course in history and an udnergrad anthropology course. I am quite looking forward to it, though I'm feeling very sad because I will again have to leave many things here that I hold dear. But one must do what one has to do.

This next phase will be very different from before. I do not intend to live in walingwaling. I've decided that I should rent out an apartment or pension house of some sort. I was hoping that you could give me some ideas on where and how much a good place might be -- somewhere near the rotonda. You know how i value independence maje. I think I owe myself the simple pleasures of once again having my own space.

I have been corresponding with Stefan and my European trip in September is a certainty. He tells me constantly about Kofi (I asked him to take care of him for me) and always coughs when he feels a heart attack coming along. Problem is, I can't stop him from constantly exposing his shaamhaar. Damn German.

Emotionally, I'm terrific. I've reestablished my rightful position within 'the loop' of my circle of friends. I was right in anticipating that I would miss them more than I knew. Sorry about that jazzy email the other day by the way -- it was an accident. But at least now you know the types of things we get up to and how we go about planning them (that was a great great great night by the way).

Gotta go, mein freund. I expect nothing less than a thoughtful response about the concept with you alright? I will be waiting.

Take care.
xo
J.