being

The last few days i have been spending many hours trying to revise my dissertation proposal. I spent it in my favorite starbucks for 10 hours a day just trying to get work done. Reading, writing, and just carefully trying to comprehend what Suzuki and Heidegger seemed to be saying. When i got home almost midnight from staying all day in the coffeeshop, i'd still encode and edit those i wrote in the afternoon and stay up till three or four in the morning...

So, in the last two weeks there have been no sunrise episodes, no early rising, no french toast breakfasts where im the first customer in this other coffeeshop thats closer to home. I'd wake up and i can sense that its way past ten and the chance for early morning peace and quiet is already lost.

Perhaps this is the price i pay for being encouraged and being moved to write and write well. The last week of May, i attended a philosophical conference and there i was inspired by the speakers. I wanted to be like my mentors, to be sprawling in depth and insight in philosophy. I wanted to have even that breath of confidence. I wanted to finish my dissertation.

So as this semester begins, and as i will have time to do my reserach I pray that everything will go smooth. This is my plan and yet i am hoping that God may grant me this wish. I simply want to make my work worthy and meaningful, not just for me but for others who are in the same line of interest. Continuing my work now i am reminded of why i took philosophy in the first place. And now i am certain i am still in the right track. It has something to do with the passion for truth, the relentless pursuit of knowledge, that deep questioning of all grand narratives, and yet still be anchored in faith.

In spite of all the books, the online journals, the drafts, the sore index finger, i am thankful that even in the midst of all the floundering and everydayness i can still manage to sit back and take pleasure in the details. I thank God for my peace.

I wish i knew the song first :)


COFFEE
by COPELAND


There's plenty of time left tonight
I promised I'd have you home before daylight
We do the best we can in a small town
Act like big city kids when the sun goes down

If it's not too late for coffee
I'll be at your place in ten
We'll hit that all night diner
And then we'll see

There's so many things I have to say
I'll stay up all night to hear about your day
We do the best we can in a small town
Act like kids in love when the sun goes down

If it's not too late for coffee
I'll be at your place in ten
We'll hit that all night diner
And then we'll see

There's a love that transcends
All that we've known of ourselves
And I'll wait for it to come
I'll wait for it to come
Well it's got to be strong to touch my heart
Through it's shell
And I'll wait for it to come
I'll wait for it to come